Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
