I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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