I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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