Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
