I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
