Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
