Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my liver is dry heaving
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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