Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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