I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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