I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
