Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
