I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
