YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
me + whiskey = a bad person
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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