It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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