Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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