I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
