he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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