Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
