im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
