is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
