Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
