You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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