Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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