Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he shaved USA in his pubs
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
