i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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