last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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