even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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