Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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