I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
