Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
