Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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