I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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