Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
