you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
