So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
