someone owes me an orgasm
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
