I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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