I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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