We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
