Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
