I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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