On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
