I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
