while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
