I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
