I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
