yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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