it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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