He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
