so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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