Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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