You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
