so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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