I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
