What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
