Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
