I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
