I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
where am i from again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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