what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They took my balls.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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