Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
