Sry I called you an 8
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
