my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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