Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
