i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize