So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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