I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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