VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
