How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
