i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
