I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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