when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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