Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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